Halo Fans, UNSC Needs You!

It’s never safe in the Halo world. It’s apparently not safe in our world, either, as it appears that the Covenant have “located and attacked UNSC control points.” Thankfully, the UNSC “has planned a strategic assault and needs recruits.”

Yes, that means a Halo event is coming to Toronto.

A current promotion for the upcoming blockbuster game title, Halo: Reach, poses the question to its fans: “Do you have what it takes?”. Now if you’re like me, you’re most likely clenching your fist, tilting your head from side to side and rotating your shoulders as you prepare for battle. If that is the case, you’ll want to come down for an event that describes itself as one that you will never forget.

At this event, you will Battle Covenant troops live using state-of-the-art weapons technology. Sounds fun, right? Most importantly for us lazy gamers, however, will be the opportunity to be one of the first Canadians to get a sneak peek of Halo Reach.

If you’re wondering how much this experience will set you back, well, it is free! Of course, there will be a “VIP experience” which can be had with proof of a pre-order receipt of Halo Reach.

Fun times shall be had at 306 Queen St West, Toronto, on Saturday from 4 p.m.–10 p.m.

For more information, or to confirm attendance and discuss the event, feel free to visit the Facebook event page here.

Let’s show the Covenant who’s boss!

Cape Farewell Doc at the Live Green Toronto Festival

If you think that the word “green” should only ever be used as an adjective (and, in the case of golf, a noun), you might want to wear earplugs to this shindig.

This weekend, The Live Green Toronto Festival descends upon Yonge-Dundas Square. On Saturday, “100+ exhibitors, a farmers’ market, live music and local foods take over Yonge Street (closed to traffic from Dundas to Queen),” says their PDF Flyer. And on Sunday, “[j]oin us in the kids’ zone for games, crafts, face painting and more.”

There will also be concerts (some on a bicycle-powered stage, no less), including a wide range of acts ranging from children’s performers and indie acts to CanCon royalty such as Steven Page, Colin James, and Alan Frew (from Glass Tiger, duh).

What really interests me, however, is the documentary being shown on Saturday night.

“Working internationally,” says Cape Farewell’s site, “we bring artists, scientists and communicators together to stimulate the production of art founded in scientific research. Using creativity to innovate, we engage artists for their ability to evolve and amplify a creative language, communicating on a human scale the urgency of the global climate challenge.” In 2009, they produced Burning Ice, an 80-minute film that “documents the Cape Farewell expedition to Disko Bay in 2008 which included [...] forty five artists and scientists who joined this extraordinary expedition [...] as they tackle a collective response to climate change in the High Arctic and their subsequent performances at Latitude Festival and recording new material.”

Take a look at some of the people involved (the ones I like, anyway): Jarvis Cocker. Robyn Hitchcock. Laurie Anderson. Ryuichi Sakamoto (OMG!).

(This awesome lineup almost makes up for the fact that Feist is involved, too.)

So if you’re interested in seeing this film, or you’d like to have the chance to win one of three VIP packages that include two backstage passes, two meals at the Hard Rock Cafe (though I’m not sure how that’s related to the concept), an opportunity to meet the artists, and an opportunity to introduce an artist on stage being escorted by Julian Brass from NotableTV.com (okay), visit the Live Green Toronto Festival microsite.

Avatar… Again?

This Avatar business is starting to get annoying.

James Cameron now has more money than God thanks to his latest movie Avatar. Now, I’ll be honest with you: it was not a bad movie. The visual effects were so eye-poppingly amazing it made me forget that the plot was pretty much Pocahontas with a preachier message and sillier names (Unobtanium? Are you friggin’ joking?). Ridiculousness aside, it made more money than any movie ever. So James Cameron decided to capitalize on that. I don’t know how the DVD sales went, but soon the movie will be showing again in theatres.

Lemme run that by you again: Avatar will be playing in theaters. A second time.

James, you ass.

This is the ultimate cash-in tactic. Rereleasing a movie within a year of its original release is ridiculous. The ads claim that it’s been visually upgraded and there’s extra content, but so what? This is kinda unacceptable, dude. What possible extra content is there? Did you make the sex scene explicit this time? Because there’s only a very tiny demographic of people who wanna see that.

The thing is, I wouldn’t be so upset if it weren’t for the fact that this movie made so much money so recently. Do Cameron and Co. think that we’re so stupid that we’re gonna watch what is essentially the same movie twice? In the span of a year?

Please don’t prove him right.

People, I’m gonna be frank with you: This stuff is not acceptable. Please, help me send a message to Mr. James. Protest his treachery by not seeing this movie again.

Thank you.

Technicolour Music and Reading Series at Naco

Sometimes the weirdest shit shows up in my Facebook event feed. I must have some odd friends.

Apparently, there’s a artsy-fartsy series of “delightfully strange musical acts and readings from local emerging artists” that is going to happen on the third Tuesday of every month from August to December, and this Tuesday will be the first of said shindigs taking place at Naco Gallery Café in Little Portugal.

First on the docket of the evening’s shenanigans is Max Galactic & The Cloud of Evil, a band described as what ”[...] you get when you cram Monty Python, 1950s sci-fi ray-gun comics, Prohibition-era swing jazz and dark, wounded Chicago blues into the heads of a band of young Torontonians, then blast the lot of them into space to freak out with the aliens” and, after checking them out (despite the pretentious description), I must say that I’m pretty impressed.

So the rest of the lineup should be good, right? Right?

Next up is Jimmy McInnes, whose “last performance was a reading of a double-sonnet constructed entirely from speeches by Chilean dictators. He angered many South American nationalists. He will be reading from his recently-completed manuscript ISOSCELES. RIGHT., a sort of educational Bildungsroman written while subscribing to the structural constraints of an isosceles triangle.” Um… okay.

Then we have D. Alex Meeks, who apparently “grew up with the elephants. Through his time with the gentle pachyderms, he developed an acute appreciation for the myriad sonic aspects of the world, the pursuit of the qualities of which drives his subsequent musical explorations. He will be performing a mysterious solo set.” Yeah.

Finally, there’s Zoë Alexis-Abrams, who promises “[i]mprovised sound poetry lifted from both video and graphic scores, featuring the timely appearance of Tents and Apparitions. Think of The Four Horsemen, except there will only be one member—a short, female fictioneer hailing from Toronto—presenting a body of work from the depths of the A.V. Room and the Great Lakes.”

Well, at least Max Galactic & The Cloud of Evil sounds like they’ll be a hoot.

Anyway, if any of this sounds like your bag, head on over to Naco Gallery Café (1665 Dundas Street West, Toronto) at 8:30 p.m. on August 24, 2010. For more information, check out the Facebook event page.

Whedon Fest Comes to Toronto

I was Joss Whedon through my emails when I came across a press release for Whedon Fest. The concept alone is enough to make any sci-fi fan verklempt as they let out a “squee,” but we’ll have to wait until October to experience said scenario.

From October 1–3, 2010, the Sheraton Toronto Airport Hotel & Conference Centre (801 Dixon Road Toronto, Ontario) will be home to Whedon Fest, a convention/celebration put on by Starry Night Events for… well, all things Joss Whedon, of course!

With approximately 700 die-hard fans in attendance, the event promises to be an intimate three-day event with various activities and parties to satisfy you for the weekend.

But first, if you’re unfamiliar with Whedon’s work, let me just ramble some titles that he’s worked on, and you’ll find that you know most—if not all—of them: Firefly, Serenity, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Dollhouse, and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. Got it? Okay, now that you’re thinking, “Oh, THAT guy!”, I can continue discussing the convention!

We all love celebrities, right? Wouldn’t it be cool to meet some of the stars of the aforementioned properties?

Special guests slated to make appearances at Whedon Fest include Amy Acker, Christian Kane, Nicholas Brendon, Yan Feldman, Rafael Feldman, and a yet-to-be-announced “mystery guest”. (Don’t take this as inside or “leaked” information, but I have a gut feeling that the mystery guest’s name will rhyme with “Boss Shedon”).

If this sounds like your cup of tea, be sure to mark your calendars and start saving for your signed 8x10s and other wonderful convention goodies.

For more information about Whedon Fest, and for tickets, visit Starry Night Events’ official website, join the group on Facebook, and follow @WhedonFest on Twitter!

Big Lake—Big Suckage

Big Lake is the newest show to premiere on Comedy Central. Produced by that one guy that starred in Land of the Lost and Anchorman (Will Ferrell), the show is…

God, this show is terrible.

It was marketed out the ass by Comedy Central, apparently because they thought it was gonna be the “next big thing.” And it’s big, all right. I’ve never seen so much failgravy in one place.

It’s like the writers forgot to actually include jokes in the goddamn script and, instead, struck us with a laugh track every 3 seconds. I’m not exaggerating—there are literally laugh tracks when no jokes are being said. Every 4 sentences, there is canned laughter from an audience who was most certainly paid to guffaw on command.

But don’t just take my word for it! Here’s what Twitter had to say. The tweets from the rest of the universe are in quotations. My witty repartee is everything that isn’t in quotes (duh):

“i was so excited to watch #BigLake. supposedly created by will ferrel. but it is TERRIBLE! this will be my first and last episode”
Lucky. I had to watch them both.

“is there anything Will Ferrell and Adam McKay CAN do?”
Apparently, they can break a ton of people’s hearts. Just like when Jean-Claude Van Damme turned down a role in The Expendables.

“#BigLake has some awkwardly placed laugh-track, like they couldn’t tell when the show was trying to be funny and when it was just dialogue”
Spoiler: There WAS no funny.

“Watching #BigLake on #ComedyCentral. I predict it wont even make it to the 3rd episode. ITS SO BAD!”
I… I don’t think that’s how this works. I agree that it’s terrible, but I think they operate by the season. Unless they have a special pro-Hitler episode, they won’t pull it THAT quick.

“I think I have PTSD from #BigLake. It was so awful it felt like watching several kittens drown.”
That was pretty accurate, actually. I really have nothing to add to that.

I actually tweeted this: “It’s like Will Ferrell shot comedy just to watch it die.”

There were a bunch more, but I’m fairly sure you get the picture.

I can’t, in good conscience, recommend Big Lake. There are no jokes, and the abuse of the laugh track makes it seem like they’re trying to force the “funny” on you. It’s the comedy equivalent of rape. Stay away.

Yonge Street Pub Crawl for Right to Play

It’s not often that you get the opportunity to get hammered in order to help disadvantaged children.

Well, this Saturday, you’ll get to do just that!

Semisolidmedia, a “purveyor of fine fun” (per their website), holds a monthly Rock Band jam session at Rockie Raccoons in Toronto. However, on the last Saturday in August (previously July) of each year, they take their drinkin’ on the road to raise money for charity.

“The Yonge Street Pub Crawl (YSPC) was started in 2005 by a group of friends who wanted to see just how many bars there were on the longest street in the world and how many could they have a drink at in one day,” the event site reads. “Five years later the event has morphed into an annual fundraising event that has raised over $1,500.00 for the charity Right To Play… Not bad for a bunch of people looking for an excuse to drink all day.”

Though it doesn’t cost anything to join in the fun, a minimum $10 donation is suggested and, if you’d like a souvenir, t-shirts will be sold at the event for $20 (email events@semisolidmedia.com if you’d like to pre-order one). This year, Semisolidmedia hopes to raise $500 for Right To Play.

The Yonge Street Pub Crawl begins at Yonge-Dundas Square (40 Dundas Street West, Toronto) on Saturday, August 21, 2010, at 2 p.m. Join the Facebook group for updates, or RSVP on their Facebook event page—even if you can’t make it, donations are welcome on their Right To Play page (which will give you a tax receipt for donations of $20 or more). And don’t forget to follow @semisolidmedia on Twitter for updates on this and their monthly Rock Band events!

A Midsummer’s Slow Dance Night in Toronto

“It’s high school with a happy ending, and it’s queer, senior, and couple-friendly too.” So in other words, it’s not like high school at all.

If you’re sitting at home alone this Saturday night and suddenly have a hankering to dust off those formal duds and do the seventh-grade shuffle with a bunch of like-minded strangers, you’re in luck. Though usually a Montreal event, Slowdancers of the World Unite & Dance Slow occasionally brings slow-dancing goodness to hipsters in Toronto, and tomorrow is one of those times.

“With a lending library of designated dancers for all you wallflowers, and a dancecard-booklet to set up dances in advance (should you choose to),” reads their website, “Slow Dance Night has all slow songs, all night long! (Except for the occasional intermission when we play the fastest songs we can find!)”

The $10 admission fee includes a dance card (which, for you young’uns, is a booklet with the night’s songs in order that you can use to keep track of your potential dance partners). And if you didn’t bring a partner, the organizers will provide a slew of “designated dancers” for your slow-dancing pleasure. Of course, you are allowed to ask anyone to dance and, in turn, you have the right to refuse an invitation (unless you’re said designated dancer).

Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that this just sounds odd to me, though my morbid curiosity (and proximity to the venue) tempts me to check it out. I mean, Toronto is, like, the personal-space capital of the world—what flies in touchy-feely Montreal might not be so popular in a city where most people would rather punch you in the face than help you up after a particularly nasty spill down the stairs (speaking from personal experience). And will there be cliques? Like the hipsters vs. the old people? Or will everyone just be too drunk to care?

A Midsummer’s Slow Dance Night takes place on Saturday, August 14, 2010, from 9:30 p.m.–2:00 a.m. at Dovercourt House (805 Dovercourt Road, Toronto). For more info and to RSVP (or volunteer your services as a designated dancer), check out their Facebook event page.

Open Roof Films

There’s a movie event that you most likely don’t know about, and it happens to be so cool that it would blow the roof off any theatre that dared to contain it—thankfully, the Open Roof Festival saves the repair bills by staying outdoors!

Open Roof Films is an outdoor film/drink/music experience that is held in the Amsterdam Brewery parking lot (21 Bathurst Street, Toronto).

Their first show was held on August 6, and their second takes place tonight, followed by two shows next week (Thursday and Friday). You’ll definitely want to attend and there are ample opportunities for you to do so.

In case you’re wondering what a night out of Open Roof Films is like, tickets are $15 at the door, doors open around 7:30 p.m., a great band plays a live music set, a conversation about the film takes place, the film is then viewed and, then, an after party follows… awesome, right?

Here’s a listing of upcoming Open Roof Films events:
August 12: This Movie is Broken (musical performance by The Little Black Dress)
August 13: CFC presents selected shorts and Nurse Fighter Boy (musical performance by Girls on Stilts)
August 19: Lovers of Hate (musical performance by Michael Kulas)
August 20: Winnebago Man (Sneak Preview) (musical performance by Breaching Vista)
August 26: Running Mates (musical performance information TBA)
August 27: Tiny Furniture (musical performance by Elos Arma)

If you’d like more information, be sure to visit Open Roof Film’s official website, become a fan on Facebook, and why not follow them on Twitter (@OpenRoofFilms)?

“Orphans” to Attend Michael Cera Day at Stadium Comics

I’ve known about this for a while, but Stadium Comics’ latest push to get Michael Cera to visit Brampton is just too delicious not to share.

Back in May, Stadium Comics (a comic-book store in Brampton, Ontario) issued a press release and created a Facebook event inviting everyone to Michael Cera Day, an event designed to celebrate the release of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World and, most likely, garner publicity for their humble establishment.

“[...] if you want a celebrity to make an appearance at an event you are organizing, just tell everyone that they’ll be there, and then the universe will align and make it happen—like with Aerosmith in Wayne’s World 2,” said Kevin Hickey, manager of Stadium Comics. “It works even better if you are organizing the event just to impress a girl.”

With the event fast approaching (it’s this Friday) and no word back from Cera or his handlers, Stadium Comics decided to up the ante today with a most amusing tactic.

Their latest press release reads:

“Asked what will happen if Cera doesn’t show up, Hickey doesn’t seem too worried. ‘We’ve designed the event in a way that it will be an amazing time for all while paying tribute to Michael, even if he can’t show. However, the kids from the orphanage may be a little less understanding.’

“Hickey is referring to the orphans from St. Bartholomew’s Home for Boys, who have decided to make the trek to Stadium Comics in the hopes that their hometown hero shows up.

“’It would be a shame if Michael doesn’t come for a visit,’ said Father Jack Kirby, who runs the orphanage. ‘The boys of St. Bart’s have been going door to door selling rosaries for the last 2 months to raise the funds for this excursion. I pray that they’re hard work wasn’t all for naught.’”

Why do I find this so drôle? Just Google “Jack Kirby” and “Bartholomew” and you’ll see.

Michael Cera Day will take place on Friday, August 13, 2010, from 10 a.m. onward at Stadium Comics at Shopper’s World (499 Main Street South, Brampton). For more information, visit the event website or RSVP on the Facebook event page.

It remains to be seen, unfortunately, if little Jimmy Olson will be well enough to attend—what with his recurring bow-tie-related breathing disorder and all.